Interview with Addiction – Saint Louis Style
LOMM: Thank you for being here and speaking with us; your words are important. Please tell us about you, the addiction, about your life?
Murfee: I am a drug addict and I smoke and I drink every day, have for years. My constant thought is looking forward to the next high as this one wears off. An alcoholic will steal your last beer and smokes, then deny it. I will steal your last beer, smokes, your money, then I will turn-a-round help you go look for it. Hey, tough game, I am a drug addict and my high is where I am. Been to rehab, been to jail, AA, been to church, done it. Hey I can operate fine, mostly. Drugs, booze are cheap for a reason now-a-days, that’s good for me and good for other people. At these prices, you don’t con as much. I have a job, I got my own home, I have a core group that will take care of me, if or when I die, at this age. I am a result of my world. Dig it.
LOMM: What age did you start using drugs?
Murfee: When I started having sex with a neighbor around 14, I got access to drugs and alcohol. She was nice, it was nice when it started. It was the beginning of me playing music with my friends. You get some attention, you’re growing, you’re learning and you don’t want to let it go. I love it. People are going to do, we all know that is true. Weed is good, everybody gets high, the beer was good too. My biggest fear was taking anything home and getting caught, my old man beat me.
LOMM: Did music play a role in your becoming an addict?
Murfee: No. No. No. Music is what saved me man. I’ve had an outlet for my music since I was a teenager. Man, I have given up chicks and jobs for my music. Not laying off on others, but really it is the people around you that save you or kill you. Some of my friends are addicts, a couple are small time dealers. We all love getting high, that’s the times. When we needed something back in the day, you could head out to a gay bar make a quick 50 and move on, go buy what you need. In the meantime, we play some kick ass music, develop our craft, strengthen our skills and book a few gigs. Hey man we are people, we pay our debts to society and we move on to the next whatever. We work, we love, we live, we’re happy and we’re addicts. Human.
LOMM: You’re saying “we”, what does that mean?
Murfee: Man, addicts, dealers, the drug culture, we are crew in this country. Society pegs us man. When I say we or us, I mean my drug friends. We are a culture, we help each other get from day to day. Wise the fuck up, drugs are a business man, above and in the underground. Dealers are street pharmacists, psychiatrists. Serious sick bastards, they own us, we admit that, they know it, we know it, it’s a part of addiction. Special love. Some things you just overlook. Addicts can be productive, survive to help others but many don’t, they end up broke, in jail, rehab or dead. Like I said we are a community and dealers have a special place in our world and in the next world. And dealers definitely have a special place in hell if there is one.
LOMM: What is a regular day like with your friends, your family, worried about your health?
Murfee: My buddy, had an excellent job, making a dam good salary, savings, benefits, the people at his company loved him. His greedy old drug dealer saw he was making it good. Good money. His old dealer got him using again. What an asshole. Big boy (dealer) broke his ass. Dude (my buddy) went deep street bitch broke. He did not pay his bills or rent for months, collectors calling 24/7, even at work up to 6-8 times a day. Bad, bad. Lost almost everything lying, cheating, stealing for the next high, lie, cheat and steal. His drug dealer used him like his personal ATM. My dude stopped shaving, hygiene got bad, you could smell him, sad shit man. Cashed in his life savings to just breath, he changed, he ran and is still running. Shit he use to tell his family and friends give me only gift cards for birthdays, holidays, then take the gift cards and trade them in for cash. Sick ass comedy. My duder gets his girl high, that’s how you control ‘em, keep them up. Give the drug experience they deeply desire, the one they long for, dream of ya’ know. Sort of a dominant style personality, some chicks get a taste of the music and drug world, well you know. I‘ve had addict buddies their whole mission in life is to screw their employers out of money, screw their families or total strangers. Manipulating cons, some of them the best. Hey to keep a drug habit up to date is tough. Sui-hab can be an alternative. He robbed the people who cared a lot about him, people loved him, he robbed his employers. One man scared him when he got caught the first time, his employer did not put him in jail. He said, “I love you as a human, a person and a brother”. That was a while ago my buddy said, so, everybody moved on, we hope. My buddy moved on, he got caught again, in other words, hey he screws people and they need to get over it. Get over it man there is worse things in the world. He said his boss tried to control him, but really his drug dealer controls his entire life. He even got him to start dealing. Beware of a charming man with a dark soul, but even they know when it’s really time to get up and go.
LOMM: Excuse me for interrupting, is this familiar, close to you, do you know this person well?
Murfee: (with laughter) Like I say, wise the fuck-up man, drugs are a business and everybody’s playing their role. Yeah, it’s familiar, Captain Obvious. It’s me dumb-ass. I mean no offense, but man, I speak about myself in the third person, because when I am on drugs I am a different person. I am not the real me. I am an addict who drinks and smokes too much. I probably have lung cancer now, I been smoking for over 20 years. The real me disappeared, I live for drugs and alcohol until I die from drugs and alcohol or somehow get saved. I’m agnostic I don’t believe in Gods, I don’t mean get saved like a Christian, I mean get saved from myself and get saved from my crappy ass dealer (more laughter). Man, it’s been okay talking. This is different, you ask a lot of stuff, this doesn’t mean anything, it ain’t going to change anything, we are who we, you are who you are, they are who they are. So what man. And when I get caught, I will be the victim. I am going to go and play music. I am good at it and music has saved me for real. Like I said, I gave up women and jobs over music and drugs. Music saved me. Just wish I could get off the booze, smokes and drugs. Hey, there are no winners in dealing or addiction, everybody loses. What the fuck you expect from me? Sorry man, life just ain’t cool sometimes.
LOMM: Can’t we take your photo for the article please?
Murfee: I am an addict who drinks too much I did not say I was stupid.
LOMM: May we take your picture and hide your identity? Please? Will that work for you?
Murfee: Yeah, I guess I might let you do that.
LOMM: Great, thank you kind sir. Oh, by the way, may we ask your drugs of choice?
Murfee: (Giggle) Man you are one funny weird dude. I know I feel you, I know you don’t mean any harm, I feel that too. I might give you what you’re digging for Captain Obvious, maybe. Listen, when you do drugs with people or deal drugs, man you get wise to the hearts of other people and quick. You learn to read people in a way like no other. Some of us don’t just see through the layers, we recognize what we are seeing and we reach in and touch it. You want me to give you my trash? You want it? You want my trash Captain Obvious? What’s it worth?
LOMM: May I ask again please, Murfee what are you drugs of choice?
Murfee: Well, look man, I do whatever is quick, cheap, close, what my friends are doing, what I want. Smoking weed is totally normal I round out the day with beer. Pain pills, opioids, mix with other stuff will give you what you need. Spent a lot on coke for me and my girl, cheap coke at that. Molly, X, is cheap everywhere, we get it. Dude heroin or heroin light, can be five to ten a day now. You don’t have to even look for it, it comes to you when people know you’re using. A cheap ass dealer on every block, in every bar, top to bottom. Tell me Cap come on, what’s your high Cap?
LOMM: How do you see your future, do you want a family, do you want children?
Murfee: Nobody knows the future man, that’s part of what is special about it. No guarantees beyond us right here right now. Recognize the past it’s you, keep track of the good and the bad, but when you are really sick, its back to Mom and Dad. No kids. You think. Why we have clinics?
LOMM: Unusual spelling to your name, Murfee, based on M-u-r-p-h-y?
Murfee: Murfee is Gaelic and means Sea Warrior. I think my name is pre-Irish. Gaelic. Look man, everybody has issues, some sort of hole to fill. We are human, everybody’s got damage Cap, some more. I have always
been taught make a decision and stick to your guns.
Photo credits LOMM - Murfee - STL